


show me how big your brave is

by mockturtletale



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Junior Hockey, M/M, Medicine Hat Tigers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-09-22
Packaged: 2018-01-14 08:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1259698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mockturtletale/pseuds/mockturtletale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the two years they spend playing together in Medicine Hat, Wacey never gets to room with Tyler.</p><p>The first time he thinks of it as something he doesn’t ‘<i>get</i>’ to do, he knows he’s in trouble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	show me how big your brave is

**Author's Note:**

> Written for littlestclouds' prompt over on the [home_ice](http://home-ice.livejournal.com/) [August Combo Challenge](http://home-ice.livejournal.com/13077.html).
> 
> HUGE thanks to Danielle for always knowing how to make things what I want them to be better than I can. ♥
> 
> These are a couple dudes that I've been super invested in for forever now, but it took a lot to work up the courage to write them for the very first time. I sincerely thank anyone who makes the time to read and take an interest in this one.
> 
> Set at the end of the Medicine Hat Tigers' 08-09 season.
> 
> In terms of visual aid / incentive, this is [Wacey](http://i.imgur.com/YBxrWjg.jpg) [Hamilton](http://i.imgur.com/VOQ2pOQ.jpg), he plays for the Binghamton  
> Senators (the Ottawa Senator's AHL affiliate) these days, and this is [Tyler](http://i.imgur.com/aj8t7cb.jpg) [Ennis](http://i.imgur.com/nfSSfmL.jpg), he's a Sabre now.

Wacey’s gonna be captain next season, but this was Tyler’s last year as a Tiger.

Wacey’s going to be _captain_ , and knowing that Tyler won’t be around to see it - won’t be playing on the team that Wacey will lead - tarnishes it before he even has it.

 

____

 

By the time Wacey made it to Medicine Hat Tyler had already been tearing it up there for a couple years. He’s a great player, and Wacey knew before he ever met the guy that he’d see him in the NHL some day.

When they’d first been introduced he’d thought Tyler was little, smaller than he’d expected.

Wacey has thirty pounds and a couple inches on him, but he only ever felt bigger than him for about a week.

During games Tyler zipped around out there, small and fast, capable and always aware of the play, there to step in at any moment, at a split second’s notice. He’s one of if not the best player on the team, and they all know it, Wacey saw it about ten minutes into the first game he played with him.

So he was expecting Tyler to be cocky, but not in the way he turns out to be.

He’s not a jerk about it; he’s not big-headed or rude or selfish. He’s simply at ease in himself in a way that Wacey finds himself instantly almost fascinated by.

Wacey is a middle child, so he could write the book on being chill, but that’s not what it is with Tyler. It’s not his demeanor - he’s not just relaxed about most situations because he’s used to weathering shitstorms the way Wacey has learned to be, growing up on a farm with two brothers who wreak more havoc than mother nature could dream of cooking up - it’s his personality. He’s confident and self-assured and totally at ease in himself.

In a way that makes Wacey want to get under his skin.

Makes him want to find out if Tyler has a reason to be so secure.

 

____

 

Tyler and Wacey aren’t particularly close; are never what you’d call ‘good buddies’ on the team. They see each other a lot, but they’re never alone together.

In the two years they spend playing together in Medicine Hat, Wacey never gets to room with Tyler.

The first time he thinks of it as something he doesn’t ‘ _get_ ’ to do, he knows he’s in trouble.

 

____

 

Wacey tries really hard to be really, really subtle about it.

So in those two years he’s only been called on his tendency to lurk near Tyler when he has no business to about five times. Per year. Per month, maybe.

“Are you coming out tonight or are you staying home to wash your hair and draw love hearts around the ‘Tyler Hamiltons’ you write in your diary?”

“Yo Hamilton, you wanna pass the fucking puck, or are you saving that _and_ yourself for Ennis?”

“Hey Hambone, why don’t you try your luck with that blonde over there? Once you get her heels off she’ll be the same height as Ennis. Got a pretty similar jawline, too. Did you invite your sister, Ennis? I don’t think that’ll be enough to put an end to Hamilton’s crush. Unless she’s really fucking good at hockey.”

They say all of this in front of Tyler, and he never says anything, but he pretty often looks to Wacey to see what he’s gonna say. Wacey doesn’t say shit, because Wacey doesn’t give a fuck. Everyone in this locker room has done or wanted to do something far more perverse than bang a teammate, so they can shove it.

After the first few months of it, though, Tyler had pulled him to one side.

He hadn’t been blushing, he hadn’t tried to avoid making eye contact, and that had definitely made Wacey think about what he’d have to do in order to rattle him. Whether Tyler would ever let him. But Tyler had answered that question soon enough.

“This thing with the guys thinking you have a crush on me or whatever. I want you to know that it’s totally fine, I know there’s nothing to it, but you can put a stop to it if you want to.”

And Wacey had had to ask -

“But what if I don’t want to put a stop to it? What if it’s true?” because Tyler makes him want to _push_ , makes him think there’s no such thing as further than he’d go to see him unsure. It makes Wacey bold.

Tyler hadn’t wavered.

“Then nothing would change, I guess. But I’d have to say I have a ‘no teammates’ rule. I’d also have to say that that was something suddenly I found myself regretting.” 

“Cool,” Wacey had said, grinning, and Tyler had looked at him like he was _surprised_. It had been a pretty great day, all things considered.

 

____

 

And that had been it since then.

Mutually acknowledged pointed non-denial when their teammates ragged on Wacey about his crush, and Tyler acknowledging it with nothing but tiny, huge touches and smug, self-assured grins that made Wacey’s hands feel like they were humming, run through with an energy that required that he made contact with Tyler’s body.

But he didn’t, because Tyler never asked. Never said it would be okay. He had a rule, and Wacey has never in his life met a rule he wasn’t thrilled for the opportunity to break, but Tyler was sure about everything he did, and Wacey was sure that he trusted that.

So they did nothing. And nothing felt almost like enough, sometimes. That was how much nothing really was when Tyler was the one giving it.

 

____

 

Wacey hooks up with someone else once in their last year as Tigers together. 

He doesn’t do it because he forgets about Tyler, or because he forgets that he’s all he wants, he does it because he’s mostly drunk and entirely stupid and thinking about Tyler’s smile and the way his arm around Wacey’s shoulders feels like a promise, and then there’s someone else smiling at Wacey, someone clearly prepared to let him cash in on their promises right now, and it’s not what Wacey wants, but it’s what Wacey can have, and he fucks up. 

When he goes to talk to Tyler about it the next day, he has no idea what he’s going to say, because he has no idea what he’s supposed to say, and Tyler doesn’t seem to have a clue either. 

“It’s not like … we’re not together, we haven’t made any kind of commitment to one another, man. Do what you wanna do, don’t let me stop you.” 

“But _you_ are what I wanna do,” Wacey says, panicked, and Tyler laughs. 

“Tough luck, buddy, you know I don’t do that, not with teammates. It’s not about you, Wace, it’s about our jobs. I want us to make it to the NHL, I want us to never be able to say we didn’t work for that every minute of our lives. It might not be easy, but it’s simple. We can’t now, but we will, if you still want to, when we can. When we make it, or when we’re not playing together too, whichever comes first.” 

“I will. I do. I still will,” Wacey says, and it kills him that he can’t show Tyler this, that he can’t reach out and grab him and touch him until he gets it. He hates that all he’s managed to do so far is show Tyler the opposite of what he wants him to know. 

“Cool,” Tyler shrugs, and then “We can make out on your birthday if you behave yourself until then,” and Wacey’s eyes go so wide that Tyler laughs at him. 

He doesn’t take it back, though, and that’s what Wacey takes from the conversation. 

 

____

 

By the time Wacey’s birthday rolls around, he’s totally forgotten about Tyler’s promise. 

Which is to say he spends all day holding his breath every time Tyler walks into a room or looks at him, even though it’s probably safe to say that they’re not about to make out in the weight room, or on the bench. 

They win their game that night, and not even scoring the game winning goal on his birthday can distract Wacey from the sheen of sweat on Tyler’s face, the way his hair dries his curls almost fluffy after his shower, how his hands look so fucking good just pulling his socks on. Wacey’s dick starts to thicken up in his shorts watching Tyler drink from a water bottle, and he hopes to god he gets to kiss him today, because if he doesn’t he might lose his mind. 

He’s feeling pretty down about his entire life and all the choices that have lead him to this point by the time he gets home, totally alone, because Tyler didn’t corner him in the locker room or text him to hang back or ask for a ride or anything, and Wacey is so disappointed he feels pathetic about it; is almost as mad at himself as he is totally crushed by missing out. 

And so he’s sitting on the couch, feeling sorry for himself and staring at a dead tv screen in total silence because his billet family are out (they had a birthday lunch for him earlier, so he doesn’t mind that they had to bail to some family thing that his game kept him from tagging along to) when the doorbell goes. 

Wacey answers it to find Tyler standing on the doorstep, all bundled up against the cold winter night with what looks to be about three hoodies layered on top of one another, his hair curling out from underneath a beanie that’s pulled down low over his forehead. 

He’s grinning, and before Wacey can even say ‘hey’ or ‘thank fucking god’ he’s being yanked forward, Tyler’s hand shooting out to tangle in the front of his shirt and _pull_. Since he’s been thinking about this all day, maybe all year, it’s easy as pie for Wacey to get right with the program, and his eyes slip shut the moment Tyler catches him in his grip, he’s leaning into it even as he can feel Tyler go up on his tiptoes, straining to meet him. 

Tyler’s mouth is hot in the cold air, desperate in a way that Wacey can absolutely sympathize with, and he wastes no time, spares no effort in showing Tyler precisely how badly he’s wanted to do this, how often he’s thought about it. 

Wacey’s best birthday present that year is the low groan Tyler gives up around Wacey’s tongue, but it’s closely followed and greatly rivalled by the look Tyler gives him when they pull apart - his lips still parted and wet, his eyebrows drawn together high and tight like the kiss pained him. 

“I hate me,” he says fervently before he leaves, and he never even says ‘happy birthday’ to Wacey, but he really, really doesn’t need to. 

 

____

 

This had been Tyler’s last season, and he won’t be around to see Wacey wear the ‘C’.

But he suggests a team night out to celebrate their last playoff run as the team they are today, and he insists that he and Wacey make a day of it and go catch a movie before they meet up with the rest of the guys for dinner, to line their stomachs before they go out and put their fake id’s to work.

It’s bright when they head into the theatre, and dark when they come out, but Wacey knows that daylight or the lack thereof have absolutely nothing to do with when Tyler reaches for him, because Tyler does what he wants exactly when he wants to do it.

So when Tyler takes his hand and sets his fingers in against Wacey’s as they walk down the block to go meet the team, Wacey trusts that Tyler knows what that means and will show him, when he’s ready to.

 

____

 

“To long distance relationships,” is one of the tamer toasts during dinner, and Wacey has to lift his glass into it with his left hand, because his right is in Tyler’s under the table and he’s pretty sure everyone knows it. 

It’s been a long couple of seasons of putting up with how Wacey has been putty in Tyler’s hands since long before Tyler knew that was the effect he had on him, and their teammates might not have always been patient or kind about it, but they no longer send Wacey sympathetic grimaces on the bench after Tyler scores a particularly maddeningly nice goal, and the worst he’s ever really heard about it is the repeated suggestion that he could at least hold out for someone taller, someone his own height. 

By now no one is left in any doubt that Tyler is exactly what Wacey wants. 

Wacey loves this team, and he’s still bummed that Tyler’s not going to be around to admire his ‘C’, but he’ll always be a big part of how Wacey feels in that locker room, and he’s pretty confident that today counts as a pre-promise to admire Wacey’s ‘C’ at home, when the time comes. 

All in all, the future looks bright for Wacey Hamilton. It’s warm in his hand already. 

 

____  
____  
____  
____

**Author's Note:**

> Not true, not exactly technically correct, not profitable. You know the drill.
> 
> { specifically, here, I fudged the detail of Wacey's birthday, which is actually in  
> September. For the purposes of this timeline I pushed it back to late January. }


End file.
